The Tricks We Play to Prevent Failing
By convincing others that they are capable, people can maintain their sense of self-worth.
Therefore, preserving one’s sense of worth depends on one’s capacity for achievement and the level of performance that demonstrates it. In competitive settings, this is especially true.
A person will start, consciously or unconsciously, engaging in behaviors or making excuses in order to maintain their self-worth in their own eyes as well as in the eyes of others if they don’t believe they have the potential to achieve or if repeated failures weaken that belief. Excuses or defense mechanisms become more significant the more effort that went into the failure.
- Students that are success-oriented appreciate studying for learning’s sake and see failure as a way to sharpen their skills rather than a devaluation of who they are as individuals. According to research, parents of these students frequently celebrate achievement and rarely, or never, criticize failure.
- Overachievers: These pupils are known as “closet achievers.” They achieve in order to avoid failing, but only after exerting tremendous effort because they are terrified of failing because failing would only serve to confirm their worst fear—that they are imperfect.
On rare occasions, over strivers will tell everyone that they have very little time to study for a test coming up—and then spend the entire night studying—because the dread of failure is so overwhelming and because they distrust their ability. When they ace the exam, it “proves” to everyone that they are brilliant since their “talent” overcame the requirement to put forth any effort.
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- These pupils don’t expect to succeed; instead, they only want to avoid failing. They think that if they put a lot of effort into something but still fail, it shows they don’t have much skill and are therefore not worth much. However, if they don’t attempt and still fail, it won’t reflect poorly on their skill, and they will still be regarded as having value.
- Students who accept failure: These are the most difficult students to motivate because they have internalised failure; they think that their continual failures are the result of a lack of talent and have given up attempting to succeed in order to preserve their sense of worth. Students who are both failure-averse and failure-accepting often concentrate on extracurricular activities where they can succeed, including sports, art, or even dangerous activity. And students who are generally driven by a fear of failing have parents who rarely acknowledge success and who blame failure. Because of this, these students begin to feel as though their parents’ affection is dependent upon them performing well in school.
Getting Past the Fear of Failure
Encourage your students to develop self-compassion when they make mistakes. A tug-of-war between self-acceptance and being able to recognise ourselves as we truly are is at the core of the dread of failure. Self-compassion is helpful in these situations.
Realizing that “Our genuine value lies in the core experience of being a conscious being who feels and senses” is necessary before practising self-compassion will help.
That makes it simpler for us to have compassion for ourselves when we make mistakes. We practise self-talk that is gentle and compassionate rather than punishing ourselves for not being flawless in something like academics, as the Overstriver might do. This makes it simpler to examine the failure’s underlying causes and then think about what may be done to succeed the next time.
We can become more understanding of ourselves and sympathetic toward our pupils by developing our understanding of the dread of failure.
Conclusion –
Preserving One’s sense of worth is determined by one’s ability to achieve and the level of performance that demonstrates that ability. This is especially true in competitive situations. Students who are goal-oriented value learning and see failure as an opportunity to improve their skills rather than a devaluation of who they are as individuals.
Students who are goal-oriented value learning and see failure as an opportunity to improve their skills rather than a devaluation of who they are as individuals. Because they have internalized failure, students who accept failure are the most difficult to motivate. They believe that their repeated failures are due to a lack of talent and give up trying to succeed. Recognizing that our true worth is rooted in the core experience of being a conscious being who feels and senses is essential. That makes it easier to be compassionate rather than punishing ourselves for not being compassionate.
